Prepare your daughters

Biological and evolutionary causes led to the differences that are so prominent between men and women.

However, we are no longer in an era where women were only expected to be bearing and raising kids and taking care of families.

The evolution that has come about since the last century or two has changed the way of life of women. They are no longer confined to the four walls of the house but are out there working just like men in all fields. They too face tough bosses, challenging work environment, jealous colleagues, study hard for competitive exams, lead large teams and companies, stay out of home till late night, attend late night parties, entertain groups and teams, address large audience etc. Besides this, they still have families and kids and older people back home to look after.

We, as women, cannot then afford to be weak. We need multifold energy and strength. There are demons out there trying to pull us down. Many men can’t take a woman as a boss, many can’t manage a strong woman team player in their teams and feel threatened, thereby making life even more difficult for a working woman.

Hence, let’s start preparing our daughters from the very beginning, from the time she steps into school. Let’s teach her to solve problems rather than crying when something goes wrong. Let’s stand by them and with them but continue to guide them to take care of their own self. Let’s not encourage tears at the drop of a hat but strength and courage to bear small setbacks.

This would prepare them for a mammoth life that lies ahead of them full of surprises, chaos and burdens but with a smile, self confidence and strength.

The Magic in the Morning

I wish I could also capture the rain drops in this picture to complete the mesmerising effect of this morning for my readers the way I feel it.

The only thing different about this morning is that there is cool breeze and a soft drizzle that is making it even more blissful. Otherwise, I feel the magic in the air, something surreal about every morning.

This is the time of the day that I love the most and can’t miss it for anything. Early morning when people are not yet up from their deep slumber, the only sounds one can hear are of birds chirping or like today, the sound of rain drops and occasional mild thunder.

I enjoy this time sipping a hot cup of tea while reading or writing or taking a stroll through the potted plants and flowers.

The magic stays the same no matter where I travel. From Mid west to the East coast in the States, from North to the South of India, Singapore or the islands of Philippines. The Bounty of Nature is same everywhere.

Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc 2017

Light green hue typical of a SB.

Aromatic but not so much as expected from a Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc.

Fruity and floral aromas. Tastes of gooseberry and kiwi with grassy notes.

Dry and medium acidity, well balanced with a long zesty finish.

I had it in the warm weather of Singapore just by itself without any food pairing.

Phobia…..Anxiety…..Insomnia

Years of leading a life without a partner has made me develop strange phobias, anxiety and Insomnia.

I married a strange guy who left me and our two year old kid when he lost his job to start a new business, far away from where we lived…….in a different city, about 150 miles away. I was working in this city and he decided that I should continue to stay away until he finally settles down in his new business. That way, he didn’t have to bear the burden of a wife and child since he didn’t have a job! That arrangement was to last a few months which eventually became 14years!

He would come home as a visitor once a month but there was no plans of ever being back like a family. Any discussion around that led to quarrels and denial always. My job started paying very well and I kept growing in roles just as my kid grew up to be a smart young teenager of 16 years. His business apparently never did so well that he could either support us financially equally nor make us join him.

All these years of leading life alone, managing toughest of decisions alone, having lost my only parent also about 7years back, raising a kid who is extremely decent and well behaved and very good in his studies, there was nothing left for which I needed a husband now, except to be called a married woman despite being not literally having one next to me whenever I needed him.

I finally decided to separate from him and got divorced this month. The physical separation and negligence had made me get mentally disconnected from him too. I lost all affection over the years and became hardened. He didn’t even build a strong bond with the child who stays indifferent to whether his dad I there or not.

I have suffered from severe insomnia and anxiety. I was under a brief treatment with a psychiatrist just to get sleep. I couldn’t shut yet because of the perpetual loneliness. I developed phobias that someone will break into the house. The pills that I was given had sedation and as a result, I even hit a car while under the effect of sedatives.

That was the day I decided to have the will power, to not be dependent on pills to sleep. I didn’t have the right to NOT take care of myself and my Well being because I had a child and I was totally responsible for his upbringing and education. That will power has kept me going ever since.

I work out, eat healthy, sleep well, do my job very well and spend quality time with my son.

People say I’m a strong woman. No one knows that deep inside, there is a very weak heart. There is a perpetual longing to be cared and loved, there are still bouts of anxiety.

There is a shield around me which makes the inside invisible to others. No one knows that I still have this fear of someone breaking into the house at night, that I still lock my room from inside before I sleep……

Sancerre Rose’ wine

I am pursuing a Wine Course and completed 2 levels, trying to prepare for the third level.

The passion for studying and knowing about wines is heavily ingrained in me now. I am reading about wines, tasting the wines of different countries, knowing the history of the wine countries which has a strong influence on their wine industry.

I felt I should my experiences with everyone who is interested to read and share their experiences and knowledge. I start with this Rose’ wine from Loire Valley France, which I happened to open recently.

I bought this wine from total wines on the suggestion of the wine experts there and also considering that I wouldn’t get this kind of unique Rose in India.

I was really hoping for a whiff of fruity aromas so characteristic of a Pino Noir as this one is a 100% Pino Noir. But the fact that it’s an old world wine, it is not an opulent wine. The nose and palate get a hint of anise and subtle grapefruit tang.

A completely dry wine with low acidity and the characteristic flint notes of Loire or Sancerre.

Perhaps a good wine for people who like bone dry wines with low acidity. For me, a white wine should have good acidity and would prefer it to be a bit off dry. I am still developing my taste and it seems I am eventually going to be a lover of New World wines…..more aroma, fruit forward ness and acidity.

Share your views and also your preferences of wines. Would love to hear.

Mom was no more

It was a normal day until 11am at least! I had woken up at 6am, had sent my child to school and had finished the early morning chores at home before going to the gym.

It was only just after getting out of the gym at 11am or so that I had an uncanny feeling and a strange uneasiness in my heart. My mind just raced to mommy’s thoughts and I dialled her cell phone. There was no reply.

She had just gone back to her empty house after staying with me for 2 weeks. The house had been locked for 6 months as she had gone to spend some time with my brother before coming to me. I don’t know what premonition she had that she felt like meeting everyone. My ex husband, my brother and son and me. As if she wanted to pass on her blessings to everyone.

She had called me from my brother’s house barely 4months ago and had said, “I have a feeling I won’t live for long now!” She had insisted on returning to her own house and had spent 2 weeks with me before going back.

When she didn’t answer her phone, I had this clear vision somehow. Something inside me said that when she had called a day before, she sounded disoriented. She was hale and hearty when she left my house but something came over her after reaching her house. I called the neighbours to help me trace her or ask her to call me back. The neighbour was in some hospital and asked me to wait till he returned home. I was tired and sleepy and felt like dozing off. I felt as if it was a last moment for me to sleep before what seemed long days and nights that lay ahead. Something was so heavy on my head and heart that I couldn’t carry that load and dozed off for a couple hrs.

I was woken up by a phone call from mom’s neighbour saying they found my mom lying on the floor in the house! My immediate response was, “Rush her to the hospital” and the response from the other side was….”she is no more”!

It was my premonition since morning but it was also hers that brought her back to her house where she had always wanted to take her last breath. Not just that, the few days she spent back at her place, she had withdrawn money, good amount of money, and had left it in her locker…..for me to find…because she had always spoken about her own money to be used for her last rites!!

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The Power of Imagination

There is a plethora of 📚 out there that talk about the power of thinking and imagining. The Secret, Think and Grow Rich, Law of Attraction etc. All of them deliver the same message – you are what you think. It’s a very strong message and has proven right in my own life many a times when I’ve tried to experiment it.

One can choose to be negative in thoughts about every situation – I feel I will lose my job, My child will get sick, I will never find true love, they are conspiring against me OR one can turn completely positive as I do when I face ohh situations – This is a test of my strength and I have to prove myself, I will always have a job, The best is yet to be and this is just the beginning.

The power of imagination can do wonders. We need to find a peaceful time in the day when we have some solitude to think and introspect. For me, it is the first one hour of getting up that I find the most positive time in the day. I hear no sound except the distant chirping of birds, half the city is still sleeping, there is fresh fragrance of flowers in the garden overseeing my window and the Sun’s rays are beginning to pierce through the curtains.

The imagination runs far and wide and I get the best of ideas to make my life better in every way and I pen down my thoughts that lead me to the tasks of the day that lies ahead.

Accept women at workplace; It’s high time!

I’ve been working in the corporate world for about 15 years now, but have never been exposed as I’m now, to the gender bias that surrounds us. A successful woman is not looked at the same way a successful man is. She is termed “bossy” and a “control freak” if she is passionate about her work and concerned about minute details whereas a man having same work ethics and passion is not just accepted but highly respected for having an eye for detail.

Companies boast of striving to bring gender diversity at all levels in their hierarchy but the fact is that the mindsets haven’t really shifted. A male boss isn’t able to mentor a woman team member as he can, her male counterpart. Either it never occurs to him or there is fear of gossip and rumours spreading about the closeness of the two if they are seen together more often during or post work hours. Women in turn also find it difficult to reach the male bosses to receive coaching and feedback. As a result, they perpetually underestimate themselves and never question if they are rated low.

The pendulum has swayed in the direction of men so heavily for the last many centuries that for the society at large and organisations in particular to be called gender agnostic, the same pendulum needs to sway now on the other side for a long time. The reason is that companies put performance and knowledge above gender for supporting growth and promotions. However, what they don’t realise is that women get few opportunities to learn and showcase their potential. They are not empowered, they are not allowed to put in their word in matters of significance or in decision making. As a result, they continue to lag behind, lack confidence and perform low and the cycle keeps on repeating itself.

I took a wine course recently just out of sheer passion and had to be away for a day from work and home for that. When my peers received word of this, their first question was, “Who took care of your son that day?”. I have to travel a lot due to work responsibility and just last summer when I came back from one such work tour, I was again asked the same thing! Not just that, one of them had the audacity to pass a judgement that I’m ignoring my family!

Well the point to be noted here is that I’ve reached a glorious height in my career, I’m a single mother and my son is now 16 years old! If I could carry on both work and home responsibilities till date, then I don’t need people’s reminders to me on my responsibility.

It’s high time that we bring about a revolution.

Women bosses: Try to make more and more women like yourself by supporting their growth and learning. We are very few in number and we need to get at least equal if not a majority.

Men bosses: Do a self check on your behaviours and perception about women in your team and lend a helping hand, mentor them and guide them even if they can’t join those late night booze sessions along with you and the rest of the teammates.

Women colleagues: Let’s pull each other up to bring about this revolutionary change. Learn to speak for yourself. Question the status quo. Rate yourself higher than what you normally do, you’re much better than that.

I strongly recommend following Sheryl Sandberg on her views on women at work place and reading her book Lean In.

Here is a link to her TED Talks show that’s worth watching or listening to:

https://youtu.be/18uDutylDa4